


I'd Love You to Want Me

by Talsi74656



Series: Talsi's Twelve Days of Ficmas [7]
Category: Star Trek Voyager, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Chakotay crashing yet more shuttles, F/M, Last Chance, seriously why do they give him shuttles?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-06 16:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5424308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talsi74656/pseuds/Talsi74656
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chakotay and B'Elanna are on a survey mission when their shuttle is shot down. Chakotay is seriously injured and with the belief that he isn't going to survive he does something for Kathryn.</p><p>This is day seven of Talsi's twelve days of ficmas. These do not need to be read in any particular order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write something called 'I'd Love You to Want Me' since I really listened to the lyrics of Lobo's song. It is basically Chakotay's desire for Kathryn in song form, written about twenty years before Voyager. If you haven't heard it I recommend listening to it, or at least reading the lyrics - I honestly don't think there's a more perfect song.
> 
> This story was promptless as well.
> 
> Disclaimer: Paramount, who obviously didn't listen to the song, own them, not me.

“Chakotay,” B’Elanna’s voice spoke from somewhere nearby.  
  
He could feel the burning air on his skin and – some kind of sharp pain in his side. Through double vision he could see something protruding below his left rib. In an attempt to identify the object he moved. The pain intensified, a white-hot fury pulsing throughout his left. He gritted his teeth in an effort to stop himself from crying out.  
  
“Chakotay,” B’Elanna said again, somewhere behind him.  
  
“B’Elanna,” he choked, “I need help,” his words were sluggish, watery, almost as though he was drowning.  
  
She tumbled into his view clutching her head. “Chakotay, I can’t see,” she told him.  
  
“Ah,” he managed.  
  
“Talk to me, I can find you,” she knelt down about a meter behind him and began searching her immediate vicinity, probably for obstacles.  
  
“I’m – injured,” he said through gritted teeth. He grunted painfully as her hand found his forehead and yet another wound.  
  
“How injured?” She asked, obviously noticing the blood on his brow.  
  
He tried to steady his breathing, to concentrate, to stay alert.  
  
They had been on a survey mission trying to determine whether a vein of Kemocite could be mined by the crew. Voyager – was – somewhere, the Etosi, trading, yes. B’Elanna and Chakotay had taken the Flyer – they’d been shot down.  
  
“B’Elanna, you need to – get out of here,” he told her groggily. Whoever shot them down might be looking for them. He couldn’t let anything happen to her.  
  
“Come on Chakotay, you can’t be that injured,” she mocked.  
  
He glanced down at the piece of debris through his side. The wound was low enough that it might have missed his major organs, but moving was another story.  
  
“I don’t think I can walk,” he told her quietly.  
  
“Bull crap,” she growled. She grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and pulled him up.  
  
He cried out in pain as she hoisted him to his feet. She didn’t stop. She didn’t baby him, though she could have been a bit more careful.  
  
Thankfully the metal sticking through his side seemed loose and not quite as large as he’d thought. That being said there was still a lot of blood.  
  
“You need legs, I need eyes,” she told him. “Now, where the hell is the med-kit?”  
  
She put him on her left, allowing him to lean against her for support. “About two meters ahead of us,” he grunted. “There’s a large piece of bulkhead in front of the cabinet,” he managed quickly, before she tried to step on it.  
  
“Ok,” she began to move them both carefully to the right testing the ground with her foot as they progressed. Her hand reached out as she attempted to locate the wall. Leaning Chakotay against the fractured hull, she turned in the vague direction of the cabinet.  
  
The movement had been jarring and excruciating, and even though it had barely been a couple of meters, Chakotay was glad for the reprieve.  
  
“The panel is below you, to your left,” he told her.  
  
She bent down and carefully moved her hands toward it, touching it tenderly when she found its edge. Once she established its location and decided that it was safe she pulled the debris away, hefting the charred metal to the side. “Is the cabinet clear?” she asked.  
  
“Yes, still closed,” he responded groggily.  
  
She crawled forward feeling for the wall and pressed the release, once she found it. The hinge hissed as the door opened and she moved forward again, patting the ruined cupboard as she searched for the back pack with rations and the med-kit. She found the bag, giving a triumphant grin and pulled it out, followed by the medkit which she placed in the bag.   
  
“Now, where the hell did you go?” she snapped.  
  
Chakotay grunted a laugh which became a wince in the same breath. “I’m here,” he croaked.  
  
He held out his arm, touching her shoulder. She took it gingerly, wrapping it across her back. He tried vainly not to make a noise when they began moving again, but the agony from the wound in his side was almost too much to bear. She paused giving a questioning frown.  
  
"I'm alright," he lied. She was right about one thing, she wasn't going to make it very far on her own, in her condition.  
  
With great care she began moving toward the back of the craft. He couldn’t believe how well she knew the Flyer. Despite being blind and despite the damage that had been caused, she managed to navigate their way to the aft section with relative ease.  
  
“Tom is going to kill us,” she commented as she felt her way over the controls for the hatch’s release.  
  
“We need to get back to Voyager first,” he muttered through short pained breaths.  
  
She snorted. “They’re going to be days,” she murmured.  
  
Chakotay remained silent. She was right. Even if Kathryn managed to complete the negotiations quickly there was no way they would be back for at least two days.  
  
His eye flicked to the shrapnel protruding from his side. There was little chance he would survive that long.  
  
They exited the shuttle and he could see just how lucky they were to have survived at all. The forward section was ablaze and there were multiple hull breaches on all sides. Clouds covered one of the planet’s two moons creating low visibility and as if their predicament wasn’t bad enough already, the sky had opened up. Heavy rain poured over their surroundings, making it difficult to see more than a few feet ahead.  
  
“Have you got a tricorder?” Chakotay asked over the rain. He wanted to scan for shelter and attempt to mask their bio-signatures.  
  
B’Elanna patted her right side and pulled the device from her hip, holding it up to him.  
  
“Thanks,” he said, flipping it open. He set a scan for anything that might provide shelter and used a trick he’d learned from Sveta to disguise their bio-signatures, with ambient radiation. The only trouble with the trick was the need to keep the tricorder open, to continuously transmit the interference.  
  
He changed back to his scan, noting two locations nearby that might provide some shelter. Both were caves to the south, embedded in a tall mountain-side. “South, there are some caves,” he grunted.  
  
Without much prompting she began to walk, though she listened very carefully to Chakotay’s instructions.  
  
The sodden ground was littered with rocks and branches and other such detritus and they almost lost their footing a couple of times. The mud became thick and stuck to their boots causing just as much issue as any slick stone or branch.  
  
Finally, after a lot of, ‘two steps to your left,’ and ‘stop, you’re about to walk into a tree,’ they reached the first of the two caves. This cavern went deep into the mountain side; the tricorder seemed to have a rather difficult time scanning beyond the first twenty meters. If nothing else the shelter from the rain would be enough to make the trip worth while.  
  
They moved a fair distance inside until Chakotay was too exhausted to continue. B’Elanna helped him sit and he leaned against the wall. Honestly he’d be content to just fall asleep here. He almost did, until B’Elanna placed a hand delicately on his shoulder.  
  
She knelt and gave him the med-kit. “Since I can’t see-” she hinted. If she really needed to, she could set the device to give an audio reading of any scans she made. Perhaps, though, she sensed Chakotay’s exhaustion and was trying to keep him awake.  
  
He opened the kit and pulled out the medical tricorder, scanning B’Elanna first. She had damage to her optic nerves. Chakotay frowned and almost as though she could see him, she cocked her head to the side.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
He drew a deep breath as he considered whether to tell her. He knew her well. He knew she’d appreciate the truth, the very likely and horrifying truth that she was going to lose her eyesight. “You – have damaged your optic nerves.”  
  
“What does that mean?” she snapped.  
  
“If we can’t get back to Voyager soon, you may lose your eyesight – permanently.”  
  
She didn’t growl or curse or stand and kick something; she merely grunted, before motioning for him to continue. “What about you?”  
  
He felt he knew the answer before he turned the wand on himself. The tricorder’s results were far less encouraging than he had thought, however. He had a concussion and three cracked ribs, but worse, the shard of metal had punctured his spleen. He was bleeding internally and without surgery he would be dead in only a few hours, a few rather _painful_ hours. “Oh, I’m fine,” he lied, though he knew he didn’t sound overly convincing.  
  
She frowned at him skeptically. “I’ll start trying to make a distress beacon,” B’Elanna told him. He wasn’t entirely certain how she would manage that – blind and with little in the way of technology to piece together for a transceiver. Then again she was B’Elanna and the gap between his knowledge of engineering and hers could fill a standard computer database.  
  
He relaxed against the wall listening to the sound of the rain outside as his mind wandered to Voyager and to Kathryn. Voyager was days away. How would Kathryn feel when she discovered that he had died here? He knew how _he_ would feel, were their positions reversed. He would be devastated – it would break him.

***=/\=***

Kathryn glared at the back of the ambassador’s head with a vicious, livid expression. The man turned toward Tuvok. “Why will your people not be more _reasonable?_ ” he implored.  
  
She wanted to _punch_ him! No, she wanted to send him home via the airlock!  
  
“You are asking the wrong person,” Tuvok replied calmly, though that small vein on his forehead pulsed with irritation. Vulcan or not Tuvok still displayed anger at times and right now, she’d wager, his anger might be a match for her own.  
  
“Ambassador, get off my ship,” Kathryn snapped.  
  
The man made a move to take her arm, but she wrenched it back in disgust. Mike Ayala stepped between them, his expression neutral despite his intimidating stance.  
  
With a disgruntled huff the ambassador stalked up to the transporter. “My government will not be pleased!” he grouched.  
  
“I don’t care,” Kathryn retorted.  
  
She was now well and truly sick of the man. He had refused to speak to her because she was a woman. So Neelix and Tuvok had begun to take over proceedings until he became rather handsy with Kathryn, who had insisted on being in the room for the negotiations. He had done so out of sight of the others, she assumed under the misguided impression that she would just allow the assault. Immediately, though, she had shoved the man away and if not for Tuvok’s quick intervention she might have accidentally started a war. Maybe she should have?  
  
The transporter beam caught him just as he was about to speak, and Kathryn stood glaring at the spot from which he'd vanished. Neelix and Tuvok swiftly exited the room, but Ayala turned, smiling at her.  
  
“I could have beamed him a couple of meters above the ground,” he joked.  
  
Kathryn rolled her eyes, but gave the man a wry smile.  
  
“ _Or_ into a body of water,” he suggested.  
  
She shook her head. “Much as I appreciate the image, I doubt that would have gone over too well,” she responded.  
  
With a deep, calming breath Kathryn exited, heading back to the bridge.  
  
On the bright side, if it could be called such, Voyager _might just_ be able to start mining that Kemocite vein before the end of the day. Despite the loss of this trade, they may still get something out of their brief stopover.  
  
She’d already given Tom the order to head out of orbit once the Ambassador departed and she gave a sigh of relief when she saw the stars passing outside as she walked through the halls. Honestly, Federation law or not, she’d have been happy to jump to warp in the planet’s orbit, just to get away from that man faster.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, Chakotay, you still there?” B’Elanna’s voice permeated the foggy surface of Chakotay’s mind.  
  
He groaned groggily in response. His side was throbbing, the wound burned furiously, and he could feel warm blood pooling above his leg.  
  
“Don’t you dare fall asleep on me, Chakotay - you’ve got a nasty concussion, from the sound of it, and – I am _not_ explaining to the Captain why I couldn’t bring you _and the_ Flyer back with me!” His friend grouched. Her voice really was quite loud.  
  
“How long have we been here?” he asked. His words were slow, his mouth could barely work the words into a coherent sentence and he had trouble concentrating.  
  
“About an hour, in this cave,” she answered. “How are you?” she asked cautiously, after a moment.  
  
He gave a non-committal grunt. A second later she shoved the medical tricorder back into his face almost overshooting.  
  
“Really, Chakotay, how are you?”  
  
With a withdrawn sigh he took the device and scanned himself again. His arms felt heavy and he had trouble gripping the wand. The readings told him that without urgent medical attention, he would be dead in about four hours.  
  
He stared at the display with a dejected frown as every decision he had ever made in his life played through his mind. Suddenly it became _incredibly_ important for him to assess every minute detail. If he could have done everything again would he have joined Starfleet? Yes, of course he would, or he’d have died on Dorvan along with most of his people. Would he have left Starfleet to join the Maquis? _Again_ , yes, at that point in his life he’d needed the Maquis, and if that wasn’t enough of a reason there was Voyager. While he wouldn’t be slowly bleeding to death on a nameless planet, forty thousand light-years from home, he’d never have met the Voyager crew – he’d never have met Kathryn.  
  
Kathryn, that was one regret. He couldn’t help but wonder what might have happened if he’d really told her how he felt on New Earth, not hinted at his feelings through some inane, veiled story. If he could go back to that moment he’d have told her _exactly_ how he felt, and why.  
  
“Chakotay? You still with me?” B’Elanna asked nervously.  
  
“Ah – yeah,” he answered weakly.  
  
Now he wouldn’t have the chance to tell her how he felt. He’d be days dead by the time Voyager arrived at the rendezvous point, let alone the planet, once they realised she shuttle was missing.  
  
“And? How are you doing?” B’Elanna prompted.  
  
He sighed audibly, the agony in his heart mirroring the pain in his side. He looked up at her, though she still couldn’t see him. “It’s not good, B’Elanna,” he admitted.  
  
“What do you mean?” she asked rather aggressively.  
  
“I’m bleeding internally,” he told her, his voice cracking and frail.  
  
She shook her head as though in denial. “You’ll be fine,” she insisted.  
  
“No,” he objected. “B’Elanna, I’ll be dead in four hours.”  
  
She shook her head again, this time more vehemently. “You are _not_ dying on me, Chakotay,” she growled. “No!”  
  
He remained silent, not overly interested in arguing with her given how little time he had left. There were few things he wished to do with his remaining hours and the most important was beyond his rather feeble grasp at present.  
  
B’Elanna slumped back against the rock wall with a resigned and depressive frown.  
  
“There’s nothing you can do, B’Elanna,” he rasped. His eyes wandered around the cave not wanting to watch her agonised expression. They fell on the open tricorder.  
  
“Actually,” he amended. “Can you set the tricorder up to record a video message?” he asked.  
  
She patted the ground beside her, feeling for the device. “Yeah, it’ll take me about ten minutes,” she answered, already beginning to work.  
  
Kathryn would not be a regret, not for him. The last thing he would do in this life would be to tell her how he felt and try to allay some of her guilt.  
  
He watched B’Elanna carefully, wondering what she was going to think once she heard his confession. She had been so angry with the Captain, in the beginning. Would she be angry with him? It didn’t really matter, _did it?_ He wouldn’t be here much longer anyway.  
  
Watching her quietly, he marvelled at the way she, though blind, altered the settings on the device. B’Elanna truly was one of a kind, and Chakotay was grateful to have called her friend for so many years.  
  
Less than ten minutes passed and she smiled triumphantly. “I assume you want to record something?” she prompted.  
  
He nodded first before remembering that she couldn’t see him. “Yes. Can you help me?” he requested. He wasn’t certain he’d be able to hold the tricorder long enough to make the recording.  
  
She crawled forward patting for him and, finding his leg, sat and aimed the tricorder approximately in his direction. “Hmm?” she made a questioning sound.  
  
“Up about one centimetre and a little to your left,” he told her in a pained breath.  
  
She followed his direction, well, mostly. She was aiming a little high still, but he would still be in the shot.  
  
“Ok, recording, when you’re ready,” B’Elanna told him. She sat on her haunches, her eyes lazily gazing over the wall behind him.

***=/\=***

“Report!” Kathryn snapped urgently, moving to the middle of the bridge. She had been called to the command deck when the ship rocked, as though attacked. Voyager had left the Etosi homeworld little over an hour ago and Kathryn was hardly surprised to see three of their small vessels on the screen. She rolled her eyes.  
  
Red Alert had been sounded, the bridge lit with red highlighting, though the air from those on duty wasn’t exactly tense.  
  
“Three Etosi vessels have attacked us,” Tuvok responded. “Shields holding,” he added. “They have not powered their weapons again.”  
  
Kathryn smiled, though unamused, and shook her head. “Mr Kim, hail them.” She walked forward, raising her chin in a defiant gesture. A moment later an Etosi man appeared on the screen. His pale green skin and grey, slitted eyes reminded her of a snake, his bald scaled head lending to the image.  
  
“Why have you attacked my ship?” she snarled before he could get a word in.  
  
He, like the ambassador, baulked when she spoke, as though she had just reached out and slapped him. “Where are your males?” he demanded.  
  
“Oh no.” She put a hand up. “This is _my_ ship, you talk to _me_.”  
  
The man appeared unsure of what to do. He opened his mouth and shook his head obviously dismayed and rather uncomfortable. With a huff he sat straight in his chair and actually met her eyes. “Then, by the sovereignty of the Etosian Emperor, I am hereby placing you under arrest for the assault of Ambassador Tellin.”  
  
Tom stiffened in his chair and stared up at the screen. From her position she couldn’t see his face, but she imagined that he was not smiling.  
  
Kathryn lowered her chin and met the man with the deadliest glare she could muster. “I beg your pardon?” she questioned. Her voice was cold, quiet and deadly. The man seemed to have some brains in his head. He frowned and shifted in his seat nervously.  
  
“The honourable Ambassador Tellin has put forward claims of inappropriate behaviour against your vessel,” the charged.  
  
She wasn’t dealing with this. Much as she’d love to return to their world and attempt to counter his charges, she had the feeling she would never win on that planet. Giving Harry the signal to cut the comm line, she turned back to her seat.  
  
“Put us back on our original course, Mr Paris, warp seven,” she ordered.  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” the Lieutenant responded with a scoffed laugh.  
  
Before the warp field opened, Voyager shuddered again. Kathryn sighed audibly and glanced back to Tuvok.  
  
“They have locked on tractor beams, Captain,” he informed her.  
  
Oh, they were really getting on her nerves. “Can we send a feedback pulse through the deflector?” she asked.  
  
“Trying it now,” Harry responded.  
  
Voyager shuddered again, this time roughly, almost sending Kathryn to the deck.  
  
Harry pushed himself up and stared at his screen in irritation. “The deflector’s offline,” he said.  
  
“Shields are down,” Tuvok confirmed.  
  
“What they hell did they do?” Kathryn snapped. She jumped into her seat with not a moment to spare as the ship rocked once again.  
  
“They’re firing disruptors,” Tuvok announced.  
  
“Return fire, Tuvok,” Kathryn snapped clutching her chair. Held as they were, in the tractors, there was little they could do in their own defence at this stage.  
  
“Captain, they’re launching shuttles, I think they’re going to try to board,” Harry told her.  
  
“They are attempting to breach the hull on deck six,” Tuvok announced.  
  
Kathryn watched the screen as Voyager’s phasers fired at the ships in turn.  
  
“Take those shuttles out, Tuvok, and then take out their tractor beams,” she commanded. The ship rocked heavily, throwing her to the side. There were dozens of smaller vessels on the screen now. Tuvok fired phasers disabling a large number of the shuttles, but they were still coming.  
  
The ship lurched again. “Intruder alert, deck six, section eight,” the computer announced.  
  
“Tuvok to security team Alpha, report to deck six, section eight,” the Vulcan commanded.  
  
Phaser fire mingled with disruptor blasts on the screen and Kathryn watched as the tractor released from one of the vessels. Tuvok immediately disarmed the vessel and continued firing on the inbound shuttles.  
  
And to think Kathryn had thought today was going to be a good day.


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay had spoken candidly in a letter that both warmed B’Elanna’s heart and broke it. She hadn’t been expecting what she’d heard. Oh, she’d known for years but to hear it from his lips, to hear his reasons, to hear him so impassioned (despite his injuries), was something she’d never expected.  
  
She was determined to make sure that she never had to hand the recording over. Sighted or not she was determined to send out an SOS for Voyager. There was a chance, however slight, that she could alert them to Chakotay’s injuries. The Captain would drop everything to save him, B’Elanna was certain of that.  
  
Of course, if Chakotay was right, if he only had three or four hours…  
  
She shook her head in a vain effort to dislodge the thought from her mind before prising the back of her comm badge open. Voyager would make it. They couldn’t lose Chakotay to something like this.  
  
B’Elanna ran her finger over the interior feeling around for a small, smooth button near the top point, to release the stylus.  
  
“Not going to sleep on me are you, Chakotay?” she asked the cave. She needed to keep him conscious, keep him talking as long as she could.  
  
“No,” he responded groggily.  
  
“Tell me a story,” she requested. She wasn’t certain she could pay attention to much while she was working, not without her eyes at least. If she could get him talking at least she’d know he was alright.  
  
“You already know all of my stories,” he replied sounding a little frustrated.  
  
B’Elanna scoffed. “Apparently not,” she retorted.  
  
He sighed, “There’s not really anything to tell.” Through the pain and the gravelly tones B’Elanna could hear his disappointment.  
  
“Oh please,” she countered. “You were trapped on a planet together. She literally died in your arms.” She glanced in his direction, though she couldn’t see anything, she just wanted to drive home her point. “Are you seriously going to tell me that nothing’s happened?”  
  
“Nothing has happened,” he told her. “And while Voyager’s in the Delta Quadrant nothing is _going_ to happen.”  
  
At least she had him talking about returning to Voyager. That was a positive.  
  
“Why not?” she probed. She triggered the release and pulled the slim stylus from its perch in the side of the comm badge. Her fingers ran over the surface again trying to find the communication relay port.  
  
“It’d be inappropriate,” he replied. His heart wasn’t in his response. She couldn’t understand why, the crew would be thrilled for them. No one would think their relationship untoward.  
  
“What? Doesn’t she reciprocate?” She accessed the communication settings listening for the light beeps to indicate long-range communications.  
  
Chakotay hesitated but she heard a grunt.  
  
“Is that a no?”  
  
“I don’t know anymore,” he grumbled.  
  
B’Elanna’s hand stilled and she looked in his direction. “Wait, she _did?_ ”  
  
She heard him clear his throat. “It’s a long story, B’Elanna,” he told her. “Can we just drop it?”  
  
“No,” she objected with a laugh. “Are you kidding me?”  
  
“What if I make it an order?” He growled, though there was no anger in his voice.  
  
She laughed again. “Who are you going to report me to?”  
  
He gave a small laugh of his own. “You have a point.”  
  
“So!” B’Elanna pressed. “How do you know? What happened?”  
  
Chakotay made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle. “You’re really not going to leave me alone, are you?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
He didn’t make a sound.  
  
Though he was quiet for barely a breath B’Elanna began to worry that he’d fallen asleep. She opened her mouth to say his name, get his attention and try wake him, but he spoke again before she had she chance.  
  
“It’s a lot of little things,” he told her. “She’s always there when I wake up in sickbay.”  
  
B’Elanna knew that much. She’d been witness to it on more than one occasion and the reverse certainly seemed to be true as well.  
  
“Sometimes, when we’re alone – she’ll place her hand over my heart,” he continued. Though she couldn’t see him, she knew Chakotay placed his hand on his chest. “I think it’s her way of telling me.  
  
“She refuses to speak about work for more than an hour during our dinners,” he added. She could hear the soft smile that touched his lips. “And she always insists we drink real alcohol.”  
  
B’Elanna snorted a laugh as she imagined the Captain getting tipsy over dinner. The woman was already handsy, _how had nothing happened between them?_ Janeway _must_ have a high tolerance for alcohol.  
  
“I think she’s tried to tell me a couple of times.” He sounded almost wistful as he spoke. “But she’s the Captain. She has to focus on Voyager.”  
  
“That’s a load of crap,” B’Elanna blurted before she could stop herself. She covered her mouth with a hand in the vain attempt to shove the words back in. “I mean –” she muttered. But she _had_ meant what she said. “Sure she has to focus on being the Captain, but she shouldn’t be miserable, that’s hardly fair!”  
  
Chakotay gave another small laugh that sounded more ironic than amused.  
  
She sat in silence for a moment as she accessed the long-range communication setting and interfaced with the tricorder. The signal wouldn’t go more than a light-year outside the star system but that might be enough, if they were lucky.

***=/\=***

Voyager had to run. Tuvok detected thirteen more Etosian vessels on an intercept course. Their tricky little manoeuvre wasn’t something Kathryn was eager to confront on such a massive scale.  
  
They’d managed to make it to a nebula that the Etosians seemed to be having a rather difficult time cutting through. Their pursuers were persistent, though. They took pot-shots from the edge of the cloud and two of them had attempted to enter, though their technology wasn’t quite up to Voyager’s level. They’d had to withdraw after only a couple of minutes due to hull damage from the ionised gasses.  
  
But while they were there, Voyager couldn’t leave.  
  
Kathryn glared at the console between her chair and Chakotay’s. The crew had been working on a way to get past for half an hour now and she was beginning to consider using their dwindling torpedo supply.  
  
“What if we just jump to warp?” Tom asked sounding just as frustrated as Kathryn was feeling.  
  
Tuvok, who didn’t bother glancing up from his console, cocked a brow and frowned. “Were we interested in destroying Voyager; that would be a fine idea.”  
  
Despite the tense situation Kathryn smiled. Going to warp in a nebula risked igniting the gasses and though Voyager’s technology was significantly better than the Etosians it wasn’t good enough to withstand that kind of damage.  
  
“At least we’d take them with us,” Tom muttered.  
  
“A small comfort,” Tuvok replied without pause.  
  
Their conversation halted as Harry’s console began to bleep. Kathryn turned to face him curiously.  
  
“Captain, we’re receiving a distress signal from the shuttle,” he said. “Ah –” he frowned. “Text only.” That was never a good sign.  
  
Kathryn stood and watched the young ensign intently, as he began to read it out.  
  
“Shuttle has been shot down, need urgent assistance. Commander Chakotay critically injured,” Harry read aloud.  
  
Kathryn stared in a slight stupor. _What did critically injured mean?_  
  
The Etosians had suddenly gone from irritating menace to dire threat in the blink of an eye. Had they shot the shuttle down as some kind of petty vengeance for their misperceived grievance? That was a significant probability.  
  
“I’m willing to entertain all options,” Kathryn stated flatly. They were a couple of hours from the planet Chakotay and B’Elanna had been surveying. She wasn’t willing to leave them there for even a minute longer than she needed to, not with either of them injured.  
  
“I – ah, wasn’t serious about the warp jump,” Tom stated quickly.  
  
His disclaimer did little to help now. Kathryn gave him a lopsided glare. “Then we figure out how to make it work,” she snapped.  
  
“We could remain at impulse until we’re right on the edge of the cloud, and then go to warp,” Harry suggested.  
  
“That would risk the Etosians catching us in their tractor beams,” Kathryn pointed out.  
  
“Unless we are able to create a diversion,” Tuvok interjected.  
  
Harry almost bounced on the spot as he seemed to come up with an idea. “Oh, we could create a sensor echo in another location. Make it look like we’re exiting the nebula at one point and make a break for it, from another.”  
  
Kathryn nodded. The nebula was small. Their timing would need to be perfect or the Etosians might still be able to catch Voyager. “Work with Seven, I want to leave as soon as possible,” she ordered.  
  
Harry nodded and tapped his comm badge to call Seven to the bridge.  
  
Her eyes drifted to the screen, the lime green, purple and red cloud masking the Etosian ships from her vision. If anything happened to Chakotay or B’Elanna because Voyager had been running from these _pests_... She shook her head. No, Voyager would get rescue them. They would make it. They had to.


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay glanced at the tricorder to his side. The soft bleeping had snapped him out of his daze.  
  
He grabbed the device, examining the readings. Though the image was blurred he knew what it was, what it meant. “B’Elanna,” he whispered.  
  
She glanced vaguely in his direction.  
  
“There’s someone coming,” he told her. He was unsurprised by how weak his voice sounded. He was barely conscious. Every remaining minute of his life was being fought for with all of the strength he could muster.  
  
She sat straighter and pulled the phaser from her holster. Even blind she’d do better in any fight than he would, right now at least. “How far away are they?” she asked quietly.  
  
“They’re outside, about four hundred meters away,” he informed her blearily. “There are six of them,” he added.  
  
That seemed to take a bit of the wind out of her sails. Her shoulders hunched and she frowned in irritation. “We could go further back in the cave?” she posed.  
  
Chakotay wasn’t going anywhere. He’d had enough trouble moving to pick up the tricorder. Anything more would likely kill him. He closed his eyes as he considered their only option. He had to keep B’Elanna alive.  
  
“You should go back there,” he suggested. His voice croaked painfully, causing him to cough and jar the wound in his side. He clutched as close to the protruding piece of hull as he could, trying not to make any noise.  
  
“Excuse me?” she snapped.  
  
He took a deep breath before continuing. “B’Elanna, I can tell them - you died in the crash,” he explained slowly. That was if he could talk at _all_ when whoever they were appeared.  
  
“We don’t know who they are, Chakotay,” she objected firmly. “They might just kill you.”  
  
He was well aware of that possibility. But if he died now to save B’Elanna’s life – well, that was better than the slow death he was otherwise facing.  
  
“I could make it an order,” he threatened. She was family. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.  
  
“Like I’d listen,” she scoffed with a wry smile.  
  
He sighed and shook his head. B’Elanna, like most Klingons Chakotay had ever met, wasn’t one to run from a fight. While this attitude could be admirable and brave, at times it put her in significantly more danger than she needed to be in.  
  
“There’s no guarantee they’d even believe you, they’d probably just search the cave anyway,” she snapped.  
  
“What are you going to do, B’Elanna?” he asked calmly.  
  
She stood and took up a rather aggressive pose. On the surface she appeared the warrior, ready for battle, able to fight off an army if necessary. It didn’t help that she was facing the wrong direction.  
  
Chakotay cleared his throat. “About ten degrees to the right,” he offered.  
  
She gave a small frown and readjusted.  
  
Feeling defeated Chakotay picked up his own phaser. He could hardly let her face them alone, even if he could barely lift the damn thing.  
  
“How far away are they?” B’Elanna asked.  
  
Chakotay peered at the readings. “They’ve split off into two groups. One is heading south, along the mountain side. The other is – at the mouth of the cave.”  
  
Well aware that the group would be able to hear the bleep of the tricorder once they came close Chakotay closed it. They were coming this way. He just had to be quicker on the trigger than they were.  
  
After only a moment he could hear muffled footfalls on the damp, rock floor. Chakotay’s vision blurred as a figure came into view.  
  
B’Elanna shot, narrowly missing the figure. Chakotay wanted to help but the phaser dropped from his grasp. He felt the world around him slipping away –until she knelt beside him. A hand cupped his cheek lightly.  
  
“Stay with us, Chakotay,” Kathryn’s muffled voice told him.  
  
So he did.

***=/\=***

Kathryn rushed to the bridge as Voyager rocked again. The Etosians had pursued Voyager with dogged intent.  
  
Harry had managed a scan of the shuttle debris, or what was left of it. Etosian weapons had brought the shuttle down. Whatever the reason for their attack, Kathryn wanted to make sure they knew they’d messed with the wrong ship.  
  
She’d had enough of them. She stepped onto the bridge, furious to the point that she was shaking. “Open a comm channel, all subspace bands,” she snapped.  
  
“Yes, Captain,” Harry complied quickly.  
  
“This is Captain Janeway of Voyager, cease your attack or we will be forced to retaliate with deadly force,” she growled.  
  
Her eyes flicked to Tuvok hoping to hear him announce that they were backing off. But they had fifteen ships, making them were overconfident. Voyager jolted again as another barrage of disruptor fire struck their shields.  
  
Tom did well preventing their tractors from locking on but it was only a matter of time before they scored a lucky hit. It would only take one.  
  
“It would appear they aren’t going to comply with your request, Captain,” Tuvok stated.  
  
She placed her hands on her hips and held her chin high. “Tom, take us into the upper atmosphere,” she ordered.  
  
“Yes, Ma’am,” he responded sounding a little confused by the request.  
  
One of the many reasons Starships were forbidden from going to warp in a star system was the destructive affect warp plasma could have on the atmosphere of a planet. Should a vessel be leaking warp plasma, or should there be residual warp plasma in the atmosphere opening a warp field could be devastating. It wouldn’t burn the atmosphere as had been feared in the early days of warp travel, but it could make one hell of an explosion.  
  
“Tuvok, Vent warp plasma and on my mark, Tom, take us to warp,” she ordered.  
  
“Captain -” Tuvok began.  
  
“Save the lecture, Tuvok,” she growled. The planet was uninhabited and had no animal life. They would only be hurting the Etosians.  
  
Tuvok cocked his head to the side as Voyager shook again. “Venting warp plasma,” he conceded.  
  
Kathryn made her way to her seat as she watched the enemy vessels on the viewscreen. “All power to aft shields,” she commanded quietly.  
  
She watched the Etosians moving toward the cloud. She just wanted to disable their vessels. “Now, Mr Paris,” she snapped before the vessels came too close.  
  
He complied and Voyager leapt forward, just outside of the star system. The resulting explosion knocked Kathryn from her chair. She picked herself up immediately, turning to Harry, waiting for his report on the damaged sustained.  
  
“We’ve lost manoeuvring thrusters and EPS relays have blown out in engineering and on decks six through eight,” he announced.  
  
Well, it could have been _much_ worse.  
  
Kathryn closed her eyes trying to clear her mind, trying not to think of the many ways it could have been worse. “Any sign of pursuit?” she asked.  
  
“No, Captain,” Tuvok replied.  
  
She exhaled the breath she’d been holding since ordering the jump to warp.  
  
“ _Doctor to the bridge_ ,” the hologram interrupted her silent reverie.  
  
“Janeway here,” she responded a little nervously.  
  
“ _Captain, I need Mr Paris’ assistance,_ ” the Doctor requested. His voice held a note of urgency that made Tom bound out of his seat before Kathryn could even give him a nod. Her heart almost stopped. _Chakotay and B’Elanna will be fine_ , she reassured herself, _they have to be._  
  
“He’s on his way,” she responded. 


	5. Chapter 5

B’Elanna lay awake.  
  
There wasn’t enough noise. Or perhaps there was too much noise. Or maybe the lights from the main console in sickbay were just too much for her to sleep through. Whatever the case, she’d been awake for three hours trying _desperately_ to drift off.  
  
She had been lucky. Another couple of hours and she’d have lost her eyesight – and one of her closest friends. She still couldn’t quite believe just how lucky they had been. According to Tom the Etosians had shot down the shuttle less than an hour after the Captain had kicked their ambassador off Voyager. They weren’t _certain_ of the Etosian’s motivations, but it seemed to be nothing more than petty revenge.  
  
B’Elanna opened one eye a sliver and peeked out, toward the bio-bed Chakotay lay on. She could see his outline, his chest moving ever so slightly as he breathed. That was a reassuring sign.  
  
She was about to give up on sleep altogether, to get up and wander around, maybe try and tire herself out, but the door hissed open. If anyone else had walked in she may still have sat up, but the Captain had obviously left her visit this late on purpose. She glanced first at B’Elanna, as though to make certain she was asleep before proceeding to Chakotay’s bedside.  
  
The Doctor exited his office and moved up beside her. “Captain, it’s a bit late for a visit, isn’t it?”  
  
Janeway stared at him for a moment before taking Chakotay’s hand. “How are they?” she asked quietly, ignoring the Doctor’s comment.  
  
“Lieutenant Torres will make a full recovery, though she may find her vision blurred for a few days. I recommend putting her on light duties for the next week,” the Doctor explained softly.  
  
_Try it!_  
  
He paused as his gaze refocussed on Chakotay. He gave a huff of breath; it still amazed B’Elanna that his programmers had gone that far into detail with his body language – or perhaps this was something their Doctor had picked up on his own?  
  
The Captain obviously sensed the Doctor’s hesitation. She shifted uneasily before prompting him again. “And Chakotay?”  
  
“The Commander’s injuries were severe,” he answered. “I believe he will make a full recovery, though I can’t promise it’ll be swift.”  
  
The Captain met the hologram’s eyes before glancing at Chakotay again. She cleared her throat and asked weakly, “when will you be able to wake him?”  
  
“The morning,” he responded.  
  
Slowly, as though in fear that she might wake the commander herself, the Captain lowered his hand to his side. “You’ll let me know when you’re ready to wake him, won’t you?” She asked.  
  
“As always, Captain.”  
  
Janeway nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.” Her eyes fixed on Chakotay for a breath, before she finally turned and exited.  
  
The hologram withdrew back to his office.  
  
B’Elanna was perfectly capable of ignoring everything she’d just witnessed. She didn’t need to read anything into it. That was a concerned captain standing over an injured crewman; a worried friend, nothing more.  
  
No, that was all a lie.  
  
She bounded out of her bed, making a beeline for the Doctor’s office. “Does that happen often?” she asked.  
  
“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” the Doctor responded in a rather blasé manner.  
  
She folded her arms beneath her breasts. “Like hell you don’t.”  
  
The hologram shrugged nonchalantly and grabbed a PADD from his desk, pretending to read its contents.  
  
“Come on, Doc. I know what I just saw,” B’Elanna moved up beside him and leaned against his desk.  
  
“I don’t know that there was anything to see,” he objected, swivelling his chair in the opposite direction.  
  
B’Elanna smiled, he may have been programmed to follow doctor patient confidentiality but his greatest weakness as an individual was his desire to gossip. She moved to the other side of the desk, standing in front of him. “She’s in love with him, isn’t she?”  
  
He opened his mouth, appearing affronted. “I certainly wouldn’t know anything about _that_ , lieutenant,” he attempted.  
  
She snorted a laugh. “Oh, I’ll bet.”  
  
Letting out a sigh he leaned back in his chair, seemingly considering something. Obviously settling on an answer he sat forward again. “Ok, just between you and me, I’m sure you know neither of them wakes without the other one here,” he whispered. He leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner and glanced around as though he was afraid of being overheard. “But did you know that they often spend evenings here when the other has been seriously injured?”  
  
“Really?” Chakotay had omitted that little tidbit from their discussion. “Tell me more.”


	6. Chapter 6

Kathryn hadn’t really been able to focus the last couple of days. If she never saw the Etosians again it would be too soon. But if she ever did see them again she’d be hard pressed not to waste a torpedo on their horrid little vessels.  
  
This had been a close call. _But_ Chakotay was alive, he’d been released from sickbay and actually managed to laugh about the incident when she’d visited. He was his usual self, unflappable, rational and not at all hateful of his attackers. Then again she hadn’t told him _why_ she’d kicked the ambassador off the ship.  
  
Picking up the book she’d been attempting to read she opened to her bookmark, trying once again to soak in the next passage.  
  
If there was any sort of Karmic justice in this universe she had done a significant amount of damage to their ships. They’d need to spend considerable time, effort and resources on their repair.  
  
That might be worth the slap on the wrist from Starfleet for going to warp in a planet’s atmosphere.  
  
She jumped as the door chimed, though she was happy to have the momentary reprieve from her thoughts. She frowned and her eyes flicked to the chronometer; the time was twenty two hundred.  
  
“Come,” she authorised. She stood expecting Tuvok or maybe the Doctor.  
  
“B’Elanna?” Kathryn blurted as the door opened. She _certainly_ hadn’t expected the engineer.  
  
The lieutenant gave a small smile.  
  
“I’m sorry, come in,” Kathryn motioned for her to enter and stood to greet her. “Can I get you anything?”  
  
“No, thank you, Captain,” B’Elanna responded politely. Kathryn noticed that she was carrying a data stick and frowned thoughtfully. “I won’t keep you long.”  
  
“What can I do for you, lieutenant?” Kathryn asked.  
  
B’Elanna drew a deep breath as though trying to calm herself before holding the data device out.  
  
“What’s this?” Kathryn took the stick, curious to know what could have the engineer so anxious.  
  
“That’s something I’m probably not meant to show you,” she responded cryptically. “But – I mean – I couldn’t,” she frowned and shook her head. “You should know…” she trailed off appearing rather awkward.  
  
Kathryn stared at the engineer wondering whether she should send her back to sickbay for another examination.  
  
“Please, Captain,” B’Elanna mumbled. “Just watch it.”  
  
She moved to leave but stopped just short, turning back. “I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you,” she said quickly.  
  
Kathryn frowned curiously. “Whatever for, B’Elanna?”  
  
“Everything, Captain,” she replied. “Everything.” Before she could enquire further, B’Elanna departed leaving her more than a little confused.  
  
Kathryn stared after the engineer for a short time before remembering the data device.  
  
Had she found evidence to show why the shuttle had been shot down? Surely, were that the case, B’Elanna would have taken it to Tuvok, wouldn’t she? Then again, such evidence was basically irrelevant; they couldn’t exactly head back to the world and attempt to press charges.  
  
Tapping the device against her fingers she walked to her monitor, plugged it in and took a seat.  
  
The moment Chakotay’s image appeared she knew what this was. She’d made this recording before, a number of times, herself.  
  
His injuries, captured on camera, appeared far worse than she remembered. His eyes were glazed and she could see he was having considerable difficulty focusing his gaze. Blood seeped from a wound above his temple and she could see deep, vicious bruising on his cheek and under his collar.  
  
She wasn’t certain she would be able to watch this, not now. Leaning forward she made a move to turn the monitor off, but Chakotay began to speak and her hand dropped to her side again. So she steeled herself for what he was going to say.

_“Hello, Kathryn,” he began; his words weak and distant._  
  
_“I don’t think I’m going to make it back to Voyager,” he said. “By the time you return from your trade negotiations I will be dead.”_

Even though she knew he would make a full recovery the words cut into her. The very idea of losing him turned her stomach. She almost wanted to call him over the comm, the reassure herself that he had indeed made it through the incident.

_“I’ve asked B’Elanna to record this message, to give to you when she returns to Voyager.”_  
  
_His head bobbed as though the sheer effort of holding it up was too much. Still, despite the pain he was in, his gaze met the camera once again._  
  
_“The truth is, Kathryn,” he paused and gave a small, distant smile. “The truth, Kathryn, is that I love you._ ”

A lump formed in Kathryn’s throat. Her eyes stung as she considered his words. She’d waited to hear them for too many years, but she never wanted it to be like this. She’d always imagined a glorious homecoming where they both hugged in sight of Earth before admitting how they felt. Life seldom followed imagination, of course. With a short breath, she closed her eyes, running a finger along each in an attempt to dispel the tears.  
  
In all honesty she couldn’t believe that he still loved her. She’d thought for sure that after their first encounter with the Borg she’d ruined whatever chance they’d ever had. If not then, after everything that happened with the Equinox.

_“I’ve loved you for a long time,” he hung his head and sniffed. “I wish that you could love me the way I love you._  
  
_“I tried to tell you years ago, though I didn’t do a very good job. I thought I had all the time in the world. I could show you how much I cared and over time help you learn to love our new home._  
  
_“Then we got back to Voyager and it hardly seemed to matter anymore – It did matter.”_  
  
_He remained silent for a time until B’Elanna seemed to become worried. “Chakotay?” The camera shook slightly, as though she’d leaned forward._  
  
_“I’m still here,” he muttered painfully._  
  
_The engineer breathed a sigh of relief and the camera resettled._  
  
_Chakotay focussed his attention again. “You bear the guilt for trapping us in the Delta Quadrant, but that guilt is unfounded._  
  
_“That act was selfless. You gave up as much, if not more than many of the people aboard, to ensure the safety of the Ocampa. You reminded me of the reason I wanted to join Starfleet in the first place. You reminded me that not every member of Starfleet, not every member of the Federation would have turned their backs on my home.”_  
  
_He paused for a short time and glanced behind the camera, to B’Elanna. “You have given so many people a new life, new opportunities to prove themselves, the strength to believe in themselves.” ___  
  
_B’Elanna cleared her throat, but said nothing._  
  
_“You have brought out the best in your crew; including me.” His head slumped forward again and he exhaled slowly. “Please don’t forget that. Please don’t forget what would have happened to the people aboard if we were in the Alpha Quadrant.”_  
  
_He leaned back against the cave wall, closing his eyes. For a moment he appeared rather peaceful. “I respect the fact that you always put Voyager first; more than you realise,” he continued. He opened his eyes again, but remained in his reclined position. “I adore our friendship as it is and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just couldn’t die without letting you know how I truly feel.”_  
  
_He gave another small, yet distant smile. “I know you’ll get Voyager home. Soon, if our recent travels are anything to go by. Please enjoy yourself when you return,” his eyes flicked behind the camera again. “I’m certain the crew will make sure that you do.”_  
  
_The camera jostled again._  
  
_“Find someone to love, someone to be happy with. Have that family you always dreamed of having. Become an Admiral and teach everyone back home how it’s really done.”_

_Despite the tears streaming down her face, Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh at that comment._

_“But most importantly, Kathryn,” he said with an air of finality. “Please, forgive yourself.”_

After a moment the image changed to black leaving Kathryn a bit of a mess. Her hands shook as she wiped her cheeks and eyes and she sent a silent thanks to the universe for keeping Chakotay alive. She’d have been devastated if Voyager hadn’t arrived in time. She’d have been inconsolable had she then watched this recording.  
  
She sat still, attempting to compose herself. Her damn tears wouldn’t stop, though.  
  
The better part of the next half hour was spent trying desperately to quell her flood of tears. Eventually she succeeded, though she sat on her couch breathing heavy and shuddered breaths as she tried to figure out what to do now. Her eyes fixed on the console as she attempted to clear her mind.  
  
This wasn’t something she could ignore. This wasn’t something she could file in the back of her mind for future use. Chakotay’s admission (whether he had intended for her to hear it or not) had shaken her to the core.  
  
Both of them had been under the misconceived notion that the other wasn’t in love. They’d been fools for a long time.  
  
After a brief and reasoned debate with herself about the possibility of pursuing a relationship aboard Voyager she came to the conclusion that she had to at the very least tell him how she felt. He deserved to know, didn’t he?  
  
She stood and loaded a data chip of her own, carefully placing Chakotay’s in a safe location. 

__***=/\=***_ _

Chakotay didn’t register the door chime at first. The second woke him with a shock and he fell forward, off the couch. This wasn’t the first time he’d fallen asleep on the sofa. At least he could thank his late night visitor for waking him.  
  
“Computer, lights,” he requested. The computer had turned the lights off automatically when it reached twenty two thirty and didn’t receive any input to the contrary. With a yawn he stood, and moved toward the door before calling, “come in.”  
  
There were few people who might visit this late. Fewer still who would visit this late while he was recovering from an injury. He wasn’t at all surprised when he saw who his visitor was.  
  
“Kathryn,” he greeted as brightly as he could manage.  
  
At about this point he realised he was only wearing boxers, his robe lay over the end of his bed. The only saving grace was that she too wore her pyjamas, a light, lavender cotton two piece, and her robe. Whatever she thought about his state of undress she made no mention of it, nor did her eyes leave his face. In fact she didn’t make mention of anything at all.  
  
She walked past him into the room, heading for the monitor, next to his couch. He realised she was carrying something, a data device.  
  
“B’Elanna showed it to you, didn’t she?” he guessed aloud.  
  
Still she said nothing. She turned the monitor to face them and plugged the device she carried into the port. Then she turned to watch him.  
  
At first he had no clue what was happening until her face appeared on the screen. B’Elanna had indeed showed her his video. She was reciprocating.  
  
There was no timestamp visible, but he knew this recording couldn’t be too old, based on her hair and her general countenance. 

_“Chakotay,” she spoke softly. “If you’re watching this then our mission with the Borg hasn’t gone to plan. B’Elanna, Tuvok and I are dead, or worse.” She drew a deep breath and glanced to the ground before continuing. “There are dozens of these recordings for you, everything from Starfleet operations, to classified information and who you should contact once Voyager reaches Earth.”_  
  
_Her eyes met the camera again._  
  
_“This isn’t one of those videos,” she stated. “This is personal,” she rubbed a hand over her throat as though feeling constricted._  
  
_With a smile she began. “You are an excellent commander, more than that you are an excellent friend and confidant. I can’t tell you how important you are to me._  
  
_“Simply put, I don’t deserve you._  
  
_“I don’t deserve your loyalty, your friendship – I don’t even think I deserve your trust.” Her eyes flicked down again and he noted the hurt behind them. “But you give them all, freely. I can’t tell you what it means to have you by my side every day._  
  
_“I guess what I’m trying to say. What I’ve said far too little over the years is; thank you._  
  
_“Thank you for being my respite. Thank you for always lending me a shoulder or an ear.” She drew a shuddered breath and began massaging her shaking hands. Her eyes clouded and she seemed to be having difficulty swallowing. “Thank you for never wavering; even when I did. Thank you for keeping my head above water all of these tiring years.”_  
  
_She wiped a tear from her eye, “I know that if you weren’t here on this journey with me, I’d never have made it this far and I count my blessings for you, every day.” She licked her lips as though considering her next words._  
  
_She glanced down appearing a little anxious before meeting the camera again. “After everything that’s happened I don’t really have any right to say this, but, Chakotay, if this is my last chance –” she drew a deep breath and gave a warm smile, “I love you._

Chakotay’s eyes flicked to Kathryn, hers hadn’t wavered for even a second. She swallowed and he was impressed by how calm she seemed. He’d have been a nervous wreck had he been in the room while she watched his recording. 

_“I would hate to die without you knowing just what you’ve mean to me; that it was you who kept me going. That it was your face, your voice, your smile that helped me get through our worst days._  
  
_“Thank you.”_

Chakotay was shocked. He’d thought that after everything they’d been through, she barely tolerated him now.  
  
Before he had a chance to speak she moved in, placing one hand on his bare chest, over his heart. The other ventured up his arm, to hold the base of his neck. She drew him close and touched her lips to his in a most tentative caress.  
  
Chakotay was thrown by the kiss at first. Welcome as it was, he certainly hadn’t been expecting it. By the time he registered what was happening she pulled away, examining his expression warily.  
  
He was at a genuine loss for words but hoped that a smile would suffice, despite the tears on his cheeks.  
  
With a relieved sigh, she closed her eyes and flashed her own brilliant and beautiful grin.  
  
“I do love you,” she whispered. Her fingers danced over the back of his neck and her gaze alternated between his eyes and his lips.  
  
Though he’d heard the words on the recording to hear her say them herself set his heart racing. He smiled and ran a hand through her hair, massaging the back of her scalp lightly.  
  
“And I love you,” he replied just as softly.  
  
He drew her toward him and kissed her again, this time far better prepared. He’d dreamt of this moment a number of times and was almost ashamed to say that his mind didn’t do her justice.  
  
She tasted of coffee and roses with a gentle mix of exotic spices he couldn’t begin to name. Her tongue and hands were adventurous, before long he felt her exploring areas of his body that hadn’t been touched in what seemed a life-time.  
  
Despite her eager hands and her confession, he was still hesitant to go too far. Until she broke contact, stepped back and discarded her robe.  
  
He remained completely composed, well – if anyone asked, that’s what he’d tell them. In reality his heart had just about beaten its way through his chest. He’d gained a nervous, roiling sensation in his gut and an anxious light-headedness. He still fought the urge to ask if she was sure about this, until she flashed a fantastic, confident and rather lascivious smile. The fact that she slipped a hand beneath his boxers certainly helped, as well.  
  
Kathryn wasn’t shy. She guided one of his hands under her pyjama top, to her breast. Then, with seamless grace and incredible confidence she dragged him back, toward his bedroom.  
  
He’d always hoped that one day their friendship might progress to a relationship. That he might be lucky enough to wake with her in his arms. But he always thought that day would be the day they returned to Earth. Right now, injury or no, he felt like the luckiest man alive.  
  
Kathryn was an unashamed and generous lover. She expressed her love, desire and loyalty to him with tongue, fingers and lips in a way no woman had before. He of course returned in kind every moment of the bliss she’d shown him.  
  
They didn’t sleep much. By morning Chakotay was confident the entire crew knew about their relationship. Kathryn wasn’t exactly – _quiet._  
  
She left his quarters with a smile and returned that evening happier than he’d seen her during their entire journey. From her grin he _knew_ they were going to be just fine. 

Fin 


End file.
